


What My Heart Wants To Say

by Snowy38



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, Larry Stylinson - Fandom, Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Harry, Daddy kink (light reference), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Farm boy Louis, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Sign Language, Top Louis, blowjob, college boy Harry, handjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 04:21:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3474245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowy38/pseuds/Snowy38
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis has loved Harry since they were fourteen. Harry has maybe loved Louis too but he has been unable to express his emotions. Louis knew Harry was more than worth waiting for even though he doesn't feel he deserves him. Friends to Lovers fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What My Heart Wants To Say

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys thank you so much for following my work, I really hope you enjoy this little one-shot!
> 
> Thanks to Kit for reading and naming this!
> 
> Ang

Harry liked to sit on his own.

 

It was always how Louis found him. It was how they had met, in fact.

 

Harry had been sitting in the middle of the field on the farm Louis' dad owned and he'd had his head bowed, engrossed in a book which was laid in his lap; his long legs crossed under him. Louis had sat beside him and simply caught his knees up in his arms and looked out on the view while Harry read.

 

It took a while for Harry to look up, to look over and when he did he frowned. Louis would always remember it because a furrow formed above his brows and his plush lips pouted slightly and it was one of his favourite looks on him.

 

Because it was the first look he'd seen on him and Harry was often pulled from his intense studying of literature with the exact same expression and although most people found him aloof or even _boring_ , Louis had never found that to be the case.

 

He loved the fact that Harry stared at him, blinking lazily for at least a minute before he'd spoken. And when he had spoken he'd been so perfectly silly, Louis had immediately decided they had to be friends.

 

"Where did you come from?" Harry had asked.

 

Louis had smiled back, his eyes crinkling and his lips stretching over his teeth.

 

"I live here," he'd replied.

 

Harry had looked even more confused if that were possible. His breath had hitched in his chest and he'd opened and closed his mouth twice before speaking again.

 

"Am I-Do I have to go?"

 

Louis had regarded him with an amused smirk, pointing his chin over his shoulder to smile at the boy. The boy with the long legs and long body and long hair. Even back then Harry's hair had been heading for his collar, filled with curls and breeze.

 

"What's your name, curly?" Louis had asked, ruffling his hair.

 

Harry had grumbled, blushed and murmured 'Harry Styles' under his breath. Louis had leaned into his shoulder.

 

"I'm Louis. Louis Tomlinson. You can stay as long as you like, Harry Styles," he'd added.

 

Harry had stared at him a long moment and then he'd broken out into this wonderful grin that Louis still hadn't seen him quite match. His dimples had grooved deeply into his handsome cheeks and his pink, pink lips had parted to reveal the best set of teeth Louis had ever seen.

 

He might be a farm boy but he wasn't really used to cute boys sitting in his field.

 

And Harry was extremely cute.

 

Only there was something about Harry and Louis didn't know what it was, still didn't really know, four years later after that first day they'd met when they were fourteen and kind of skinny. They'd filled out a bit since then, grown muscle, changed shape. Their hair was different and they were tan from the days spent in that field but their friendship had never changed.

 

Louis was full-time on the farm now while Harry went to the local college but nothing much changed.

 

It was on one of those warm, precious summer evenings that Louis found Harry out there, sitting in the just-cut corn field, rough shards of chuff laying against the dry ground. It couldn't have been all that comfortable to sit there but Louis joined him anyway, leaning his arm against Harry's to signal his arrival.

 

Harry huffed out a bit, a breath of warning that he wasn't done reading so Louis tipped his head into Harry's shoulder- broader than four years ago and softer, somehow. He didn't say hello, he didn't need to. Their friendship went beyond words and conventionality. They sometimes communicated with their eyes alone or by using the very secretive sign-language that no-one else understood.

 

Harry took a long time to surface from his book, Louis curling in his lap as the sun dipped down. It wasn't often that Louis' dad came out here looking for them-usually only if he needed to plough the field or call Louis in for dinner. Mark was so used to seeing the pair of them together he didn't ask questions.

 

He had, though, way back. He'd asked Louis alot of questions and those questions had made him question his sexuality quite heavily since his dad seemed very interested to know the answers. Louis hadn't paid much thought to who he liked before that. Only his dad asking him "wasn't there any nice girls he wanted to sit in the field with" was more telling than anything else. And Louis realised that no, there weren't any nice girls at all, really. None that made him want to sit for hours beside them doing nothing.

 

And so Louis had developed something of a secret crush on Harry. And Harry was -thankfully- oblivious to his feelings. And Louis by now knew that Harry was gay himself but-

 

Well, he'd not found the courage to tell Harry yet, because he knew if he told Harry he was gay then he'd have to tell him how he came to that conclusion and he just wasn't sure he was ready to tell Harry how he felt. Because Harry would no doubt laugh in his face.

 

And that wasn't a rejection Louis could cope with.

 

In fact he didn't cope with rejection very well at all which is why he'd been heart-broken when Harry asked Neil Smith to his senior year dance. And he'd held his sobbing form when Neil had told him to "fuck off because he wasn't a gay-boy".

 

And Louis kind of wished Harry had asked _him_ to the dance because he would have gone, he wouldn't have made Harry cry that way even if it had meant putting himself on the line for it.

 

Only Harry hadn't asked him, and why would he? Louis was a coward. And Harry deserved much more than that. Much, much more.

 

"Are you asleep?"

 

Harry's voice was always husky and deep but he was tired and it made his words lazier, slow and heavy.

 

"No," Louis murmured, arms folded as he wriggled, curling towards Harry's body where his folded legs supported his torso.

 

"You are," Harry argued.

 

"Might be," Louis conceded.

 

He felt the ticklish trace of fingertips over his forearms, making him shiver.

 

"What're these?" Harry asked.

 

Louis swallowed. Harry hated when he got hurt doing farm-work. But Louis loved it, loved being on the land. He was going to inherit this place from his father one day and he wanted to know everything. Even how corn leaves cut your arms to ribbons and stung like hell afterwards.

 

"Corn cuts," Louis sighed, since this was an annual occurrence.

 

He heard Harry huff.

 

"Thought we decided you'd wear sleeves?"

 

"It was hot," Louis explained. "I'm okay, I promise."

 

Harry's hand paused over Louis' face and he blinked his eyes open to see what he was doing. Harry drew his hand back almost immediately, swallowed and blushed. Louis smiled.

 

"Is my face dirty?" He asked knowingly.

 

Harry was always tempted to wipe away his dust marks.

 

"No, you've-" Harry paused, frowned, lifted his hand again. "You've got some on your face, too," he mused, thumb tracing over small nicks high on his cheeks.

 

Louis rolled his eyes.

 

"The combine started throwing corn out, I had to jump off and I happened to get a face full," he offered.

 

Harry was still frowning.

 

"Louis is hurt," he said.

 

And this was why Louis was never quite sure what went on in Harry's head. He was a perfectly functioning teenager in most senses but somehow very child-like in others.

 

"I'm fine," Louis said again. And it would maybe take a few more 'I'm fine's' to stop Harry's worried looks but Louis happily obliged him every time.

 

"Can we-I mean...can I stay with you tonight?" Harry asked.

 

Louis grinned, hugging Harry around the middle so his cheek smushed into his tummy.

 

"Of course," he agreed quickly.

 

Harry didn't always stay over as much as Louis might like. He got the feeling Harry felt a bit uncomfortable with his dad at the breakfast table -particularly as his dad assumed they were having sex- and well, Harry was sometimes a bit distant, sometimes hard to reach.

 

So if he wanted to stay over that was even better than Louis asking and getting a 'yes' success rate of approximately 60%.

 

Harry stood up as Louis eased away and he held out a hand for Louis to take. Louis helped himself up and grinned at the taller teen.

 

"Can't believe you outgrew me," he teased, poking Harry in one of his extra nipples. He had four and Louis loved poking them.

 

Harry blushed lightly again and pouted.

 

"We wouldn't fit if we were both the same size," he reminded and Louis couldn't help his crinkled grin.

 

Harry loved to be spooned. For such a big guy it was kind of shocking and definitely outrageous. Louis had demanded a recount, had spent days giving his loud opinion about a giant wanting to be little spoon. Harry had curled in on himself in such an adorable way that Louis had found himself breathless. And Harry's dimpled shy smiles following his teasing had almost coaxed the secret from his lips.

 

 _Almost_.

 

"Alright, Harry," Louis looked up at him as they walked side by side. "If you say so..."

 

"I do," Harry nodded.

 

And it only took a moment before Louis gently grasped his hand in an old-fashioned hand-hold, leading him up to the house.

 

.//

 

Harry's hair had grown past his collar now. It was long enough to broach onto his wide, beautiful shoulders and curl beautifully into his neck. He always smelled amazing. Was always warm. He had a lovely back and Louis hated this moment ending- when he was plastered to Harry's back and cuddling the life out of him.

 

It was maybe the only time he truly expressed his feelings for the other boy.

 

And Harry's behind sat so comfortable in his lap as though they were made for each other really- tall and short, tan and pale, masculine and feminine.

 

Louis often found it hard to conceal his attraction, found waking up with Harry so close and smelling incredible and feeling even better was a little beyond his limit. His body was frequently hard before Harry even roused. Louis thanked God for small mercies like Harry sleeping late.

 

A sharp knock sounded on the door, making Louis startle.

 

"You boys up yet?" Mark called and Louis sighed, rolling away onto his back.

 

"We're sleeping in, dad!" Louis called back.

 

He only got to do this on a weekend if he'd done all his chores and more the previous day. Louis made sure all his chores were done every Friday just in case Harry decided this weekend was a sleepover weekend.

 

Louis heard his dad mumble something before moving away and he rubbed the heel of his hand against his hard body-part to alleviate some of the uncomfortable pain. He swallowed hard as he heard Harry huff awake.

 

"Where's Louis?" Harry whispered.

 

Louis quickly cuddled his back again.

 

"Right here, Harold," Louis assured.

 

Harry settled with a little sigh.

 

"What shall we do today?" Louis asked, nosing past his hair to press pursed lips to Harry's cheek.

 

Harry smiled, turning his face into the bed cutely.

 

"Sit in the field?" Harry said and Louis almost clonked him.

 

"I'm fed up of the farm," Louis sighed. "Can we go into town?"

 

Harry swallowed. Louis knew he didn't like going into town, only went when Louis begged him to. And often Louis would go and buy new clothes and take Harry for a burger at the diner and sometimes they would hold hands and they would get stared at and muttered about and Louis knew that was why Harry didn't like it.

 

Harry may be the one who was brave about his sexuality but he was also sensitive to being disliked.

 

"I promise, I won't hold your hand," Louis bargained.

 

Harry pouted.

 

"I want to," he assured.

 

"Okay, then can you put up with the townies for a few hours so I can get back to civilisation?" He teased.

 

Harry nodded, threading his fingers through Louis' that rested lightly on his ribs.

 

"Really, Harold, you'll do that for me?" Louis checked, surprised by the ease with which Harry agreed.

 

"Yeah," Harry agreed and Louis felt his grin widen at that.

 

"I'm buying you whatever you want," he promised quickly.

 

Harry had smiled and closed his eyes, napping for a bit longer until they were forced to wake.

 

//

 

"Can I get this?" Harry lifted up a big white fluffy bear from the plush shelf in the toy store while Louis considered their motor-powered toys section.

 

Louis looked firstly at the ridiculously fluffy white bear and then at Harry. He knew better than to belittle him.

 

"Of course," he smiled. "Anything else?"

 

Harry bit his lip, his eyes shining as he shook his head.

 

"Louis will get you whatever you want," he reminded Harry and Harry blushed.

 

" _Daddy_ ," Harry breathed and Louis froze, spittle lodged in his throat.

 

"What?" He croaked out, brows raised.

 

Harry blushed even harder, turning his face away as if looking for a distraction.

 

"Never m-uhm..." He cleared his throat with an embarrassed lip-press.

 

"Did you just-?" Louis asked, barely a whisper.

 

 _Did_ he just? Louis wasn't sure. He wasn't sure if Harry had really just called him Daddy or of that was a slip of the tongue, a joke about Louis offering to buy him all the toys he desired. Only there was nothing paternal about the expression. It was entirely sexual and Louis hadn't ever thought that. Hadn't ever thought that Harry was sexual, really. He never dated, never kissed boys, never had sex- that Louis knew of and Harry told him everything. And so-

 

 _Daddy_ was quite some way to go from asexual to-

 

Louis choked.

 

 _Submission_.

 

Harry was still avoiding eye contact so Louis waited until they were outside to ask;

 

"Why did you say Daddy back there?"

 

Harry ducked his head, scratched the back of his neck with a large palm.

 

"I heard it somewhere...I didn't mean to-"

 

"Where?" Louis gasped, eyes going wide. "Where on earth did you hear that?"

 

Harry flushed red again and Louis knew right away what the answer was.

 

"Harry, were you watching porn?" Louis checked.

 

Harry nodded.

 

Louis pressed his lips together and swallowed hard. This was almost too much for his little curvy body to take. Harry admitting to watching porn then uttering submissive terms in the most innocent of places.

 

Louis turned, grasping his elbow gently.

 

"I'm not, okay?" He checked, long lashes flicking up as he engaged Harry with the full blue of his gaze. "I'm not your Daddy..."

 

Harry gazed at him with big green eyes that burned to say something else and Louis silently urged him to.

 

_What if I want you to be?_

 

Louis jolted at the words that appeared in his mind and he kicked himself for his own wishful thinking.

 

"Harry," he slipped his enclosing touch from his elbow to his wrist. "Promise me...promise me you'll never let anybody do anything you don't want them to?"

 

Harry frowned at him then confusedly.

 

"That word, it can mean something else to guys, okay?" Louis breathed.

 

Harry nodded. He knew. Of course he knew. Louis trusted that he did know. That Harry's sometimes apparent naiveté was in fact just his quietness masking his intelligence.

 

"Good," Louis breathed out, relieved but not appeased in the slightest.

 

Harry clutched his bear to his chest protectively and Louis couldn't help but smile.

 

"So, what're you calling him?" He asked.

 

And Harry smirked slightly before replying.

 

"Boo-bear."

 

//

 

Boo-bear was a nick-name his mother had unfortunately tagged him with as a baby and had taken great joy in regaling Harry the story of one Christmas when Louis turned sixteen.

 

Ever since then, Harry had sworn not to repeat the name- or the story- to anyone else. And so Louis was suffering some kind of crisis right now, wondering just how deep Harry's intelligence ran, along with this mischievous little rebellious streak that was making an appearance today.

 

The boy watched porn, he couldn't be all that innocent Louis mused. But had he-? Would he-?

 

It took Louis another three weeks to work up the courage to ask. They were laid in Harry's college dorm bed, top to tail, overlapping slightly, dressed in matching onesies which Harry's room-mate had giggled at but other than that Louis liked the blonde-haired Irish lad. He'd ducked out when Harry had belatedly told him Louis was staying and Louis was reminded of Harry's innocence once more.

 

He hadn't told Niall because he didn't plan on anything happening- no reason for Niall to go out. Still, Louis preferred it to be just the two of them.

 

"Harry, have you ever kissed anyone?" Louis asked, eyes firmly planted to the ceiling.

 

Harry opened his mouth. And closed it. Louis heard the tiny intake of breath and guessed the action without seeing it. He sat up and leaned onto one elbow between Harry's knees.

 

Harry's eyes found him but he didn't speak. Louis twisted on the bed, rested his head on the pillow beside Harry.

 

"Kind of," Harry husked, slow and deep.

 

Louis wriggled a little.

 

"Who? When?"

 

Harry blinked, twisting onto his side in little hefts.

 

"A boy took me to the boiler room," he said, twisting his lips. "A couple of weeks back..."

 

"A boy?" Louis aimed for lightness and ended up sounding breathy and on the verge of hysteria.

 

"Nick," Harry scowled.

 

"Did you-?" Louis asked, eyes wide as he waited for the answer.

 

Harry shook his head quickly.

 

"No, he kissed me. I didn't kiss him back."

 

"Oh," Louis said and-

 

He was confused.

 

"You didn't like him?" he wondered.

 

Harry gazed at him, not speaking. Louis guessed he should know what he was saying silently in his head, but this time, he really didn't.

 

"Use signs?" He urged.

 

Harry put his hands up in front of his chest and made the relevant signals.

 

 _I didn't like him_.

 

"That's okay," Louis assured softly. "You'll meet someone you like don't worry."

 

 _I'm scared_.

 

"Why?" Louis frowned, cupping his cheek as Harry ducked his head and Louis thumbed the smooth skin there.

 

 _I don't know how to kiss_.

 

Louis smiled. "Oh, you do," he assured. "It just-with the right person? It just happens, okay?"

 

Harry swallowed.

 

_How do I know who is the right person?_

 

Louis laughed.

 

"Good question! Well, does he make your heart beat a little faster and out of time?" He asked. "Does your tummy flip over when he smiles?"

 

Harry nodded and Louis had no idea why because Harry couldn't like anybody in that way, he just _couldn't_. Because that would mean Louis would finally lose him to someone more worthy, someone who deserved Harry's quietness and hand-signing.

 

He closed his eyes, words slipping off his tongue from that secret place inside where he locked his secrets.

 

"Do you want to run your hands through his hair and kiss his sweet lips? Do you want to hold him more than anything in the world? Would you sit in a field for hours and wait for him to notice you're alive?"

 

Louis flicked his eyes open at the last question, gasping a little as Harry's suddenly shrewd gaze fell upon him.

 

"Louis?"

 

Louis quickly snapped his mouth shut and smiled brightly.

 

"Never mind, Haz," Louis said. "You'll find the perfect guy, just you see..."

 

"So would you kiss me?" Harry asked and Louis' eyes darted back to him.

 

"What?" He asked weakly, barely a broken whisper.

 

"So that I'm not scared anymore?" Harry added and it made sense then.

 

Louis felt an arrow of disappointment pierce his heart. Of course Harry didn't want to kiss him. He just wanted to use him so he wasn't completely unkissed when he found his perfect guy. Louis didn't really blame him but he wasn't sure how his heart would cope with being used like that, being kissed and thrown away.

 

One look into those green eyes convinced him to walk over hot coals for this boy.

 

"Okay," Louis nodded, wriggling closer in the bed and gently splaying his hand against Harry's cheek and jaw. "You're so beautiful you know that?" He asked.

 

And Harry shook his head but Louis waited until he was in just the right position to still him, tilting up Harry's jaw as he angled his own and then it was here, the moment was here. He was really going to kiss Harry and it should be more epic, should have a better build up and fireworks and fountains and singing angels and it was nothing but them in a college dorm bed practicing for Harry's true love.

 

"Oh Jaysus!" A loud, obnoxious voice broke the moment with a burst of surprise.

 

"Niall!" Louis quickly greeted, wriggling away to make room between him and Harry.

 

"Haz, why didn't ya tell me Lou was stayin' the night?" Niall tutted. "I'd have stayed with Zen or Payno..."

 

Louis ventured a look to Harry who looked mortified. Kind of like a twelve year old who'd tried to kiss their crush and failed. Louis took pity on him and brushed his thumb across his jaw gently, pressing a sweet sole kiss to his sulky lips.

 

"Another time?" He whispered and Harry nodded, hiding his face in Louis' front as he clutched at his onesie.

 

Louis wrapped both arms around him and grinned over his shoulder at Niall.

 

"S'not what you think, Nialler, we were just pretending," he said.

 

Niall arched a doubtful brow at the pair but crossed the room to plop onto his bed.

 

"Just don't be making out all night ya hear?" He tucked into a sack of crisps noisily as Harry burrowed further into Louis' body.

 

"We'll try not to," Louis replied dryly and he felt Harry smile against his onesie-front which made him relax into their embrace until they both fell asleep.

 

//

 

Some people might think Harry was a pushover. Louis knew much better.

 

Despite his penchant for soft toys and being little spoon, Harry had proved his strength- and his courage- by pushing over a boy once who had taken great pleasure in tripping him up every time they happened to pass. Which seemed to be a lot from what Harry had told him.

 

It was at that point that Louis had realised Harry's inner steel. This quiet protectiveness he had was ultimately so endearing he found it hard not to curl up in Harry's arms and whine into his neck submissively.

 

Only Harry did like soft toys and being spooned and Louis liked holding him. He woke up that way, holding Harry who was holding Boo-bear.

 

"Ya gonna ask him out or what?" Niall's softened voice called from across the room.

 

Louis snapped his gaze over.

 

"What?" He asked, feigning confusion.

 

Niall smirked, flopping onto his back.

 

"You two...you might as well be dating..."

 

Louis blinked, swallowing hard.

 

"Harry deserves more," he said only, gently stroking back Harry's too-long hair, kissing his temple.

 

"Ya think?" Niall scoffed, lifting his head to regard Louis.

 

"He told me there's someone who makes his heart flutter," Louis recounted.

 

Niall arched a brow.

 

"Yeah, you, Sherlock," he teased of Louis' stupidity.

 

Louis frowned, looking back on the sleeping form curved into him. He loved Harry with all of his heart and every other major organ not to mention every cell in his body. But Harry couldn't like him back. It just wasn't possible. Harry deserved rainbows and diamonds and a life full of everything he'd ever wanted. Louis couldn't give him that. The most he could manage was a farm with a few cows and an old cottage he'd inherit one day.

 

"I have to go," Louis murmured, slipping backwards from the bed to put his feet to the floor.

 

"Don't you normally have breakfast?" Niall checked, knowing their routine quite well by now.

 

Louis huffed as he jammed his arms into his jumper and pulled his wellies on, throwing his khaki parker over the lot.

 

"I have to go," he said again and the slightly-too-loud thump of the door shutting behind him is what woke the curly-haired boy in the bed.

 

"Where's Louis?" Harry husked, expecting the soft, reassuring tones of his friend to reply.

 

"He left ya," Niall offered instead, making Harry frown.

 

Harry turned over, confused. "Why?"

 

"Had to go," Niall shrugged.

 

Harry pouted, grasping his bear closer to his body and rubbing his cheek into the fur.

 

//

 

Even when it was cold Harry sat in the top field. It had the best view of course, but Louis didn't understand why anyone would freeze their ass off just to see it.

 

And Harry was wrapped up warm he was pleased to see- beanie, gloves, scarf wrapped around his neck too many times. Louis felt his heart stutter and knew this feeling would never go away.

 

Harry left him breathless, always had.

 

Louis had finished the large part of his chores, slipped off his thick workman's gloves and trudged over to sit beside the other boy, quietly assessing the view with smoky breath passing out of his small, pink lips.

 

"Where did Louis go?" Harry asked and-

 

Well Louis ducked his head his head shamefully at the question. He'd never left Harry before. And he didn't know what to say because he was ultimately selfish in leaving, had only thought of himself. He took a long look at Harry's profile, wondering if he was angry or worse- hurt.

 

"How's college?" Louis asked and the question sat heavy and unfamiliar in the air.

 

Not only was it foreign to Harry's question, but it was a question Louis didn't really ask, not in such an outright way. Harry's confused glance at him told him exactly how out-of-place his stupid question was.

 

"Fine," Harry replied.

 

"You kissed any more boys in the boiler room?" Louis teased.

 

Only his chest felt kind of tight and his lungs felt breathless. His long lashes lifted from his cheeks like butterflies wings and he gazed at Harry expectantly, waiting for an answer to slip past his lips.

 

"No," Harry replied out loud.

 

 _Can't, can I?_ He added in sign-language.

 

Louis was reminded of their failed practice-kiss attempt and instantly regretted bringing up kissing at all. The fact he wanted to kiss Harry so badly wasn't exactly a new revelation but it was certainly one he was finding harder and harder to bury. They were friends. Would always be friends. Harry didn't want to kiss him, only for the practical purpose of pressing lips together so he didn't fuck it up when it came to his first real-life lip-lock.

 

Louis arched a brow, his lips twisting in a mischievous smile.

 

"Wanna try again?" He offered and Harry's face softened, his features became solemn almost.

 

When he nodded, Louis thought he'd taken his last breath and had seconds to survive because he felt so light-headed. Somehow he managed to lean across, tilting his body and lifting a hand to reach Harry's jaw, cupping there to guide him at the right angle and this time Louis knew for certain there were fireworks going off and parades being marched because when Harry's lips touched his- hesitant and cold and slightly chapped- his whole inside began to party.

 

He moved his lips against Harry's since he was the teacher here, kind of expecting Harry to sit slightly open-mouthed as the recipient to his lesson but that's not how it went at all. And Louis had to scoot closer when Harry kissed him back and actually-

 

Harry could kiss. Harry could kiss really, really well. Almost too well. Almost like-

 

Like he had tricked Louis into kissing him.

 

And that was-

 

That wasn't real, it couldn't be, it absolutely couldn't be because Louis was stunned, absolutely overwhelmed that Harry was kissing him back.

 

And it was the softest, sweetest most amazing thing. Harry's lips were maybe heaven and Louis was addicted to the feel of them, tentative and uncertain upon his.

 

Green eyes blinked at him, slow and wide and pupils dilated.

 

"Is that what you mean?" Harry asked and his voice was barely a husk, even.

 

Louis found whispering a great way to go.

 

"Yeah..." He breathed, unable to do more than swallow heavily in awe.

 

"Louis!"

 

Mark's yell jolted them apart and Louis looked to his hands quickly, noticing they were shaking. He didn't have much chance to do anything about it before his dad stumbled upon them.

 

"Oh, there you are," Mark mused upon seeing the two boys sat in the field- a place they were found more often than not.

 

Louis looked over his shoulder, away from Harry.

 

"Just coming, dad..."

 

Mark squinted at them, took a couple of steps closer.

 

Louis swallowed, looking back to Harry who was also shaking; hands pressed between his thighs which he clenched together.

 

"You boys okay?" Mark checked.

 

Louis nodded, throwing him a forced smile.

 

"Just talking," he half-lied, because well they had been talking before they were kissing and kissing involved moving your lips didn't it? It was still a conversation even if it was an intense one. And it had been very intense.

 

Harry ducked his head to avoid Mark's assessing gaze and Louis instinctively cupped the back of his head, over his beanie. He waited until his dad had left before speaking.

 

"I'm gay, Harry," Louis breathed out, although this wasn't a secret of sorts, Harry didn't know, Louis had never told him.

 

Harry swallowed, peeking at him, his pupils shrunk back to normal size and the green of his gaze warm and familiar.

 

_I know._

 

He was back to signing and Louis wondered why. He only signed when words got too hard.

 

"You know?" He lifted his brows, smirking. "You have a gaydar?"

 

Harry bit at his lip and looked away and Louis figured Harry knew quite a lot more than he was letting on. Maybe he even knew that Louis got hard for him every time they spooned.

 

Louis sighed. "I'm going to tell my dad."

 

Harry shot him a look as though Louis should feel scared of revealing his truth but he knew his dad would be alright with it, really. His dad wasn't stupid and Louis had spent more time with Harry these last four years than anyone. It didn't take a genius to work it out.

 

"It's going to be fine," Louis soothed softly, rubbing his hand across Harry's shoulders- the one that had been cradling his head.

 

It was another long minute before Harry moved.

 

 _I miss you_.

 

Louis sucked in air. Since he'd been at college they hadn't seen each other as much, it was only natural. And he missed Harry more than anything, had an ache that wouldn't go away. But he didn't know Harry missed him, too. It was like all his Christmases coming at once. He brushed his knuckles down Harry's cheek so that he dimpled and blushed.

 

"Beautiful boy like you missing a farm boy like me?" Louis teased.

 

Harry leaned into his touch, eyes closing as he rubbed his cheek against Louis' knuckles.

 

Louis opened his hand so Harry could nestle his face into the palm.

 

"So beautiful," he murmured.

 

"Louis!" Mark's call reminded him there was no rest for the wicked. "Get up here and brand these calves," his dad called.

 

"Coming!" He yelled back, dropping a quick kiss onto Harry's hat before jumping up to run toward the cattle that needed his attention.

 

Harry stayed in the field until the sun went down.

 

//

 

Louis had burned his arms a little in the branding process, he always did.

 

Holding a struggling baby animal and marking it with a heated rod was never an easy task and Louis rolled up his sleeves to get stuck right in which often meant that sensitive skin on his forearms was scalded as a result.

 

He spent an hour in a cold shower to ease off the red welts but Harry didn't miss them, pulling up his grey knit jumper-sleeves the second Louis curled next to him on his dorm bed.

 

Louis waited patiently while Harry's eyes accosted his skin, searching out every injustice with a furrowed-browed gaze, eyes intense and accusatory.

 

"You're hurt," he said simply and Louis had hoped the fact he'd worn Harry's too-big jumper might have distracted the curly-haired boy at least a little.

 

It was light grey and dark grey wool mixed in together and it was snuggly; a lot like Harry really which is why Louis favoured it.

 

"Only a bit," Louis dismissed, pushing his arms down to try and hide them.

 

Harry rolled off the bed backwards, stalking to his bathroom. He came back with a pot of what Louis knew was burn-ointment. It was thick and sticky and pink and it smelled of delicious anti-septic but Louis still rolled his eyes at Harry's insistence.

 

He pushed his sleeves back down his arms, rolling away from him as he sat on the edge of the bed.

 

"Haz, come on," Louis whined. "I'm fine, I promise..."

 

Harry lifted his brows. He didn't even need to really speak. Louis could read the words behind those eyes perfectly.

 

 _You either come here so I can mend you or I hold you down and do it_.

 

Louis smirked. He liked the idea of messing with Harry a little. He rocked side to side, hips tipping either way as his eyes lit up.

 

"Haz, would it kill you to just leave it for once?" Louis asked.

 

And Harry did crawl on the bed and straddle his thighs, pinning his wrists to the bed and then he ruined it all completely by pouting. Louis had never been dominated by a pouter before.

 

"Seriously, that's your attack plan?" Louis teased.

 

Harry bit at his pouted lip instead.

 

"Is it working?" He asked unsurely.

 

Louis laughed, loud and real and looked up into Harry's face.

 

"You have no idea, do you?" He mused, eyes flicking between each of Harry's and Harry really didn't know. He didn't know that Louis would lay down in front of a train for him if he asked.

 

Harry let up, checking carefully that he hadn't worsened any of Louis' burns and nodded with a self-satisfied smile when he observed he hadn't and Louis came willingly to the edge of the bed, legs dangling and feet not quite making the floor. His big grey socks had a hole in the toe and his tight jeans were mud-splashed but Harry didn't seem to mind.

 

He didn't mind that Louis' hair was a bit wrecked, that he had a bit of stubble growing or that when he was tired his eye drooped a little. He yawned cutely, covering his mouth with the back of his free hand as Harry captured the other between his thighs.

 

Louis shot him a bemused smirk.

 

"What kind of treatment is this?"

 

Harry flicked his eyes up, pupils large and lashes curly.

 

"Daddy," Harry whispered, slow and real. "Daddy's hurt..."

 

Louis gasped, unable to think straight as Harry applied his thick ointment to his burns, so gentle in his ministrations. He'd told Harry not to say that, not to use that word! He'd told Harry that he wasn't- he wasn't Harry's Daddy or anything else besides but-

 

 _Fuck_.

 

He wanted to be.

 

The hard ache and throb beginning in his lap told him he wanted to be.

 

"Harry," Louis breathed out, a hiss really. "You don't-please tell me you don't say that to anyone else?"

 

Harry shook his head and Louis let out a breath of relief, wondering why he doubted Harry's intelligence. In some cynical part of his mind he'd say that Harry knew exactly what he was doing, had timed using that very word to perfection the same way he'd bated Louis to kiss him. And in that conspiracy theorist part of his mind, he wondered if this wasn't all some big game, a trap. And he'd go willingly, he really would but only as long as Harry planned to keep him. He didn't want to be let go from this hold.

 

Harry was bandaging his arms now, sweetly studious in his ministrations. His dimples were tucked into the sides of his mouth as he finished, flicking a look at Louis.

 

 _OK?_ He signed questioningly.

 

Louis swallowed. He didn't think he'd ever fucking be okay but he had to at least try and pretend. He nodded, slipping forward so his feet touched the floor.

 

"Can I take you out for dinner?" Louis asked.

 

Harry looked up nervously. Louis waited for him to think it through, waited for Harry's anxiety to ease. Harry nodded, smiling shyly as though he was asking Louis ' _are you sure?_ ' and Louis remembered when Harry used to ask him that every time Louis invited him somewhere until Louis had somehow convinced him to stop.

 

They headed out together into the dormitory halls.

 

//

 

Louis couldn't help it that he was holding hands with Harry. It just seemed to happen whenever they spent extended periods of time together and Harry was just too beautiful not to connect with in some way and since Louis had the opportunity, he was not going to miss it.

 

He was breathy, animatedly telling a story to Harry who was listening avidly as they came back toward the dorms that Harry called home. Louis loved weekends here, away from his dad, away from the farm.

 

Mark had taken Louis' coming out well considering, had pretty much guessed he and Harry had something. Louis was reticent to define what 'something' was but his dad knew his feelings for Harry were genuine even if he didn't know what Harry's feelings were in return.

 

It was as they were wandering across the grass that a guy Louis didn't know smirked at them, eyeing their joined hands.

 

"Got yourself a girlfriend then, Styles?" Keith Johnson mocked.

 

Louis rolled his eyes, cocking his hip out. Yeah, he was girly, so what?

 

Harry didn't seem as unfazed, he stepped forward and pressed his chest to Keith's.

 

"Oh!" Keith chuckled, dipping his chin to look into Harry's eyes. "Said something to upset you gay boy?"

 

Harry frowned as he felt a hand slip into his, tugging him back.

 

"Haz, come on. The guy is a prize moron, it's not worth it," Louis sighed.

 

He could probably take out the guy himself if need be- he may be small but he wrestled cows on a daily basis. He was stronger than he looked.

 

Harry looked at Louis, then Keith, then let Louis' hand tug him away from the belligerent boy. He huffed out air, breaking their hand contact to sign.

 

 _Deserves a black eye_.

 

Louis sniggered, covering his lips with his curved hand.

 

"I know," he petted Harry's hair with his other hand. "Come on, let's go..."

 

Harry glared at Keith as they walked away, pulling Louis in under his arm protectively and Louis happily resided in his warm side, flicking him an amused look.

 

"Neanderthal Harry strikes again," he twinkled.

 

Harry blinked as he unlocked his dorm, Niall's loud voice greeting him.

 

"Haz! Don't come in!" He yelled and Harry frowned.

 

"Why not?" He called back.

 

"Uh...I may or may not be naked and with a girl right now..."

 

Harry blushed, turning away from the door and pulling it up sharply behind him. His eyes ventured around the hallway until they settled on Louis.

 

"Come on, we'll go to mine," Louis suggested.

 

And Harry let himself be led.

 

//

 

Louis was woken up by his usual predicament; his body loaded like a gun ready to shoot.

 

He squirmed, Harry tucked into him tightly- tightly enough that his ass-cleft became the perfect place for Louis' hard-on to rest. He eased away, sweating lightly, feeling so close to his edge that he feared even a brush of his own hand would have him spurting his seed into his pyjama trousers.

 

He literally had no control when it came to Harry. None.

 

And if he had any hope of escaping yet another morning of waking up hard and needy without Harry knowing about it, it was ruined when Harry stirred sleepily and whispered out;

 

"Daddy?" in such a questioning way that Louis grabbed his hardness to stop himself rutting back against Harry's body.

 

Even that rather fierce handling of his problem made him keen, though and he moaned through his thin lips, pushing into his own palm.

 

Harry had to stop calling him that. He had to-

 

Harry turned onto his back, eyes wide and lips parted.

 

Louis froze, breath stuttering in his throat as he tried to choke back a grunt, his body having ideas all of its own as he fought with his hips to stop moving. His hand was a petty replacement for Harry's backside but Louis was literally so desperate to get off, he'd take sandpaper right now.

 

Only he had to stop. He had to stop because Harry knew. Harry knew and was looking at him, just gazing. Louis bit at his lip.

 

"Harry, go to another room, okay?" He whispered. "Everything will be okay I just need a minute, yeah? Just give me one-"

 

Louis didn't finish because Harry rolled onto his side to face him, knocking his own hand out of the way to cup his erection and Louis' brows rose sharply in shocked recognition of Harry's touch but he didn't pause like the inexperienced virgin he was, he began to stroke, eventually clawing down Louis' cotton pyjamas with his two smallest fingers; enveloping his hard heat in his bare hand.

 

"Harry," Louis gasped, eyes wide, hands clutching at his cheeks. "No, baby, you don't have to do this..."

 

Harry grunted and kissed him then, soft and claiming and with as much might as the gentle boy could muster.

 

"Shut up, Louis," he panted as his hand struck up a rhythm, wrist flicking and fingers expertly wrapping around him tight and hard. "Just shut up..."

 

Louis really had no option but to obey, his pleasure taking mere minutes to ascend to crowning glory, his climax spilling hot and heavy and sticky over Harry's hand and onto his hips and belly.

 

Harry's hand slowed, dragged enticingly over him two, three more times to milk him out and Louis closed his eyes, his face creased with blissful pleasure-pain, still lost in the clouds Harry's touch created.

 

Strangely, this was the only time Harry wasn't awkward. He gazed at Louis as Louis blinked his eyes open, wondering if what had just happened was real. Harry's long fingers wrapped around his now-flaccid dick told him it was.

 

He reached across and cupped his cheek.

 

"You're amazing," was all he managed.

 

Harry growled a little and squirmed closer, righting Louis' pyjamas and cupping his behind gently with his come-wet palm. Louis felt the semen seeping through the ass of his trousers but he couldn't actually care less let alone mind.

 

They touched noses and Louis Eskimo-kissed the boy in his arms. Until Harry inspected his bandaged burns and then Louis leaned back, a soft smile on his lips.

 

"They don't hurt, I promise..." He murmured.

 

Harry grumbled and nosed into Louis' throat so Louis chuckled and held him tight.

 

"I'm tougher than I look," Louis smiled, rubbing his cheek into Harry's hair.

 

They had laid like that a while until their rumbling bellies had pulled them from the covers.

 

"What do you want for breakfast?" Louis asked his house-guest, opening and shutting cupboards in repetition.

 

Harry hadn't answered, only signed dismissively that Louis didn't catch all of, but something along the lines of 'anything' was his reply anyway.

 

Louis made them French toast, his best yet he decided as Harry's face lit up appreciatively on tasting.

 

"We don't get this at college," Harry shared.

 

Louis nodded.

 

"Just boys in boiler rooms..."

 

He began to doubt the credibility of that story, wondering if Harry hadn't told it just to make him jealous enough to want to kiss him. In fact the more he thought about the more he wondered exactly how much Harry knew about his feelings for him. Louis had never said the words, had never let on in any other way than being there. But somehow Harry knew. Harry knew and-

 

Did Harry feel the same? Did Harry reciprocate those feelings?

 

Louis flicked him a suspicious look suddenly across the wooden table where they ate their breakfast. Harry innocently chewed on his eggy bread, sucking some cinnamon off his thumb absent-mindedly. His eyes lazily flicked over to Louis with a slightly raised-brow look as if to ask 'Hm?'. Louis knew not to buy into his innocence since Harry had taken to calling him Daddy and fisting him off in bed.

 

"Have there been any more?" Louis went back to his last comment which remained unanswered. "Boys in the boiler room," he added when Harry's brow furrowed.

 

Harry smiled lop-sidedly, flicking shy eyes to Louis.

 

"No..."

 

Louis sighed out, nodding in relief.

 

"I've only kissed you," he added quickly, quietly.

 

Louis swallowed hard.

 

 _I've only touched you_ , Harry added with his hands formulating the words. _Daddy_.

 

Louis cast his eyes down, lashes hitting his cheeks.

 

"You have to stop calling me that," Louis begged huskily.

 

Harry gave him an intense look, under his lashes.

 

"Daddy," he whispered, toe touching Louis' ankle.

 

"Do you even know what that means?" Louis accused, eyes flashing with anger and something else.

 

Harry got up from the table, slowly came around it and put out his hand for Louis to take. Louis slipped his into it and stood up, jutting his chin to meet Harry's gaze.

 

"It means I'm yours," Harry said, slow and sure.

 

Louis' face creased with the pained knowledge that Harry might well feel the same about him as he did about the curly-haired lad. And it wasn't completely unthinkable but it was a little over-whelming.

 

"Harry, do you want that?" Louis begged. "To just be mine? Don't you want to try with anyone else? Find someone who can give you the world-"

 

A finger landed on Louis' lips and he paused with a swallow.

 

"You are my world," Harry husked and wrapped him up in big strong arms and kissed him, nudging his nose to get just the right angle that he could reach, licking into his mouth and securing Louis' thin lips between his plusher ones.

 

Time stopped, the world turned on its axis and Louis clung onto wide, sweet shoulders for dear life, shivering as long hair tickled his face, captured in his stubble where they nuzzled together between lip-locking kisses.

 

A gentle throat-clearing sounded from the doorway and both boys looked up to find Mark stood there with a shamed blush hitting his cheeks high up.

 

"I guess you boys finally did something about it," he mused and Louis frowned at his dad.

 

Did something about what?

 

He whined a little in his throat as Harry's arms receded from his waist and Harry looked at him sideways, eyes wide and furtive.

 

"Hello Mr. Tomlinson," Harry greeted.

 

"Hello, Harry," Mark greeted back. "You looking after him?" He asked of Louis.

 

Harry nodded with a shy smile and a blush.

 

"Trying to, sir," he assured.

 

Mark nodded, flicking his gaze to Louis.

 

"Well, I just came in for a tea but I don't want to get in your way..."

 

"We're getting dressed," Louis grabbed Harry's hand as he said the words. "I'm walking Harry back to the dorms..."

 

"Take the truck," Mark offered and Louis nodded as he dragged Harry away from the kitchen table and back towards his room.

 

//

 

It was weird, saying goodbye. They sat in the truck side by side, both biting their lips and rubbing nervous sweaty hands against jeaned thighs.

 

"Can I take you out?" Louis blurted, wincing at his delivery.

 

And then he realised he was over-thinking this. He and Harry had been friends for four years, he shouldn't be this nervous, but he was. He loved Harry and Harry just maybe might be able to love him back, even a little bit. If he ruined this now he'd never forgive himself and actually-Harry deserved the very best. And so he wanted to try and give it to him.

 

Harry looked at him, small smile upon his lips that only hinted at dimples. He tucked his hair behind his ear. He nodded.

 

"When?" Louis asked next.

 

 _Soon_ , Harry hand-signed.

 

Louis looked at him. Harry was just as nervous as he was, if not more.

 

"When?" He asked again, breathy in the cab of the truck.

 

 _Tomorrow?_ Harry signed back.

 

 _OK_ , Louis signed too, bringing a surprised smile to Harry's lips.

 

_Really, tomorrow?_

 

Louis nodded.

 

"You deserve the very best Harry," he said out loud.

 

 _I have everything I need right here_ , he signed shyly.

 

Louis blinked.

 

"Right here?" He checked.

 

Harry gazed at him for one of those long moments Louis was sure he was supposed to be reading the words imprinted on Harry's soul but he couldn't find them or make them out so all he could do was stare back.

 

He leaned across the gear-stick, kissing Harry's cheek.

 

"I can't wait to see you again," he whispered.

 

And Harry smiled, dimples creasing into his cheeks as he blushed and climbed out of the truck, heading up his pathway with a wave behind him.

 

//

 

Louis finally got to see the boiler room when he picked Harry up after his day at college the following day.

 

He'd snuck into the halls, tugging Harry into the noisy machine-filled room to show him that boiler-room kissing was about more than some guy called Nick who he didn't like trying to kiss him.

 

Louis felt all kinds of excited when he pushed Harry up against one of the mesh gates, kissing him hotly. Harry had sweetened that embrace, curling Louis close and stroking his bottom so lovingly that Louis felt like crying only he had an objective and he fought with his conscience to meet it. Harry was just too much sometimes, like a sticky-sweet trap that you didn't want to climb out of.

 

Only Louis had a plan and he was determined to execute it. If he was to make Harry his, truly, then he needed to return Harry's favour.

 

He slipped to his knees when Harry took a quick break from their kissing and Louis unbelted his black jeans with sure hands, slowly dragging down his zip and peeling back the front of his jeans to press a kiss to the front of his boxer-briefs.

 

Harry had yelped and jolted at the contact and Louis had looked up at him with dark eyes.

 

"You've never...?"

 

Harry shook his head.

 

Louis smiled.

 

"It's okay if you come..." He assured softly as Harry's hands clawed into the chain-link fence behind him and Louis resolutely held his hips while he mouthed Harry's hard-on, taking him all, deep in his throat.

 

Harry couldn't help thrusting, couldn't help whining and crying out and Louis had to push Harry's own fisted hand between his teeth to keep him quiet but when he came it was so hard and intense that Louis gladly sacrificed Harry's screams to see that. He happily swallowed down Harry's come, a smug smirk appearing on his face.

 

"How was that?" He arched a brow as he got up, zipping Harry safely back into his jeans.

 

Harry had cupped the back of his head and kissed him hotly until Louis got the message.

 

"Daddy?" Harry's voice was shaky, like his hands.

 

Louis licked his lips, giving up on asking Harry to stop calling him that.

 

"Beautiful," Louis acknowledged instead, cupping his cheek.

 

"Will you-" He cleared his throat. "Will you maybe-"

 

Louis kissed him, short and sweet.

 

"Anything, baby, okay? Tell me..." He begged.

 

Harry's eyes were huge as he bit his lip and considered his words.

 

"Will you..." He sucked in a breath, licking his lips. "On my face...like-"

 

Louis choked out a sound which halted Harry's awkward explanation. Louis blinked, teeth pulling at his lip.

 

"Later, maybe," he quickly promised, grabbing Harry's hand and turning to resolutely pull him from the boiler room. "Let's have dinner first..."

 

Harry grinned at Louis' back, glancing around to find some of his college-friends still in the hallway and he giggled, rushing after Louis as he stormed ahead.

 

Louis turned at the sound of Harry's laugh, smiling quizzically. Harry tilted his head.

 

"My friends," he thumbed behind him where three guys stood, Niall among them.

 

Louis cupped the back of Harry's neck and tiptoed to kiss his mouth, soft and sure. He pulled away and grinned as wide as Harry.

 

"That'll get them talking," he winked, leading Harry out into the cool air of the night.

 

//

 

Louis didn't really know what he and Harry were exactly.

 

They had been flirting and 'dating' for three weeks and in that time they had shared some intimacies Louis hadn't shared with anyone else- like coming on Harry's beautiful cheeks, over his eyelashes and obscene lips. Like rimming him and fingering him and showing him how this stuff worked. Like kissing him for hours until his jaw ached and his chest felt full to bursting.

 

Louis cradled Harry in his arms as he lay atop him in Harry's bed, their intimate bodies softly fitting together. Harry's legs were crossed behind Louis' behind, trapping him there and they were both nicely buzzing, not rock-hard but hard enough. Niall was in the next bed trying hard not to notice their make-out and Louis took advantage of the fact he had ear-phones in.

 

"Harry..." Louis began, breath hitching as he tucked back Harry's long hair, a wistful smile decorating his thin lips.

 

"Louis," Harry smiled back, just small and tucked in.

 

"Are we...I mean...we're together, right?" He checked, licking his lips nervously.

 

Harry's eyes darkened.

 

"Daddy," he whispered, flicking his eyes sideways to check Niall didn't hear.

 

Louis squirmed between Harry's thighs, sucking a kiss into his neck.

 

"Don't," he begged hoarsely in Harry's ear.

 

"Daddy..." Harry repeated, softer, huskier.

 

Louis rutted against him, moaning out loud.

 

"Harry, stop..."

 

"Daddy, please..." Harry begged and Louis froze, arms bulging with carrying his weight.

 

"Don't say that," Louis husked, hard and pressing into Harry's own arousal.

 

Harry blinked, slow and lazy, swallowing hard.

 

"I'm yours," he said, low and sure as if he knew what Louis had been getting at by starting this conversation.

 

Louis breathed out, sucking on Harry's lower lip a little.

 

"Really, really?" He hoped, face creasing painfully. "Can I call you boyfriend?"

 

Harry rolled them, trapped Louis' small form beneath his and their legs tangled together.

 

"Boyfriend," he hummed, kissing Louis into the bed.

 

"Ah you two!" They heard Niall complain loudly, giggling into each other's mouths.

 

They heard the door slam as their tongues met; bodies entwined and no urge to go further. Not tonight. Tonight was about much more. Louis held Harry tight and felt like his dreams were coming true. He didn't let go when morning came.

 

//

 

"We have to get up sometime," Harry mused softly as Louis' arms kept a tight band around his ribs.

 

Louis nuzzled into his neck where his hair curled.

 

"Do we?"

 

Harry smiled. Did they? Not really. Well, for pee-breaks or food but nothing else really mattered as much as being in Louis' arms.

 

He turned, pulling Louis into his chest, digging his chin into his hair.

 

"It took us long enough," he said and Louis smirked slightly at that comment.

 

"Well, you," he offered.

 

Harry smiled bemusedly, looking down but not able to see Louis' whole face.

 

"What?"

 

Louis swallowed, hiding his face in Harry's chest.

 

"I might have liked you," he quickly admitted. "Before we kissed."

 

Harry tightened his arms.

 

"But I liked you too," he said, brows furrowing.

 

Louis scoffed.

 

"But I like...really liked you...like, I've wanted to kiss you since...well forever, pretty much," he tailed off softly, still hiding his face. His cheeks were flaming and he had no idea why he was telling Harry all this. For some reason the words were just spilling out and there had to a be a reason that his psyche had gone insane he just didn't know what it was yet.

 

Harry was very quiet. Louis peeked up at him, scared he'd ruined it all. Harry looked close to crying and Louis jerked back with a gasp.

 

"Wha-"

 

Harry grasped his hand to pause his words, formulating letters with their secret language; using his lovely hands to express his thoughts.

 

 _Me too_.

 

Louis' tongue came to rest on his upper lip as he processed that.

 

"How long?" Louis wondered.

 

Harry shrugged.

 

Louis cupped his cheek.

 

"I've wanted to since I found you in my field," he admitted painfully.

 

Harry did cry then, tears rolling fat and thick down his cheeks and Louis quickly wrapped him close to ease his sobs.

 

"Hey, hey, beautiful, what's wrong? Don't cry..."

 

"I wanted to...for ages...but I couldn't...I couldn't kiss and-"

 

"Shh, shh," Louis gently rocked him side to side, lips at his temple. "Hey, beautiful, it's okay..."

 

"I couldn't," Harry repeated, words stuck in his throat which he choked out.

 

Louis began to wonder if there was more there, something else to explain Harry's asexuality and need to keep things sweet between them. He began to wonder if they'd moved too fast onto other pleasures.

 

"Are we moving too fast, Harry? Have I rushed you into anything?" He asked quickly, breathless with worry.

 

Harry shook his head against Louis' chest, grasping his waist for comfort and Louis comforted him, held him tight and secure for as long and he needed it. Niall had come back to the dorm halfway through their cuddle and had smirked at them, crashing on his bed and falling promptly asleep.

 

Louis checked over to him, his own boy fast asleep in his arms. He kissed into his curls.

 

"I love you," he whispered, broken with husk.

 

He grasped Harry's t-shirt in his hands as compensation for not hearing it back- for not saying it when Harry had a chance to say it back. Give his scared heart time and he'd say it again, loud enough for Harry to hear. Loud enough for the world to hear.

 

//

 

 

Harry was cuddling Boobear on the sofa in the dorm common room, eyes glued to the TV. Niall was sat on the floor in front of him eating take-out which he shared with Harry by passing the box of Chinese up every so often.

 

"So you and Louis," Niall said.

 

Harry hummed.

 

"You're serious?" Niall checked.

 

Harry hummed again.

 

"You gonna get your own place or what?" He broached and Harry lifted his head from the fur of his bear, the fine hairs leaving an imprint on his cheek.

 

"Do we bother you?" Harry asked.

 

Niall shrugged.

 

"Only make me sick with how cute you are..."

 

Harry smiled, almost sadly.

 

"I guess we should be fucking at all hours..."

 

Niall made a face.

 

"Ew- er, no thanks," he teased.

 

Harry ruffled his hair fondly.

 

"So...um...why aren't you?" Niall wondered lightly, brow lifting.

 

Harry twisted his lips.

 

"I've loved Louis for a long time," he said then.

 

Niall tipped his head back to get a look at Harry's face.

 

"Oh yeah?"

 

"He's special," Harry added.

 

"And you've never...?" Niall guessed.

 

Harry shook his head.

 

"That's really amazing," he huffed, awed.

 

"Not really," Harry sulked.

 

"Why what's wrong?" Niall poked him in the thigh and Harry drew his legs closer to his body.

 

"Louis...he's experienced, he knows stuff...like everything," Harry commented.

 

Niall twisted to give Harry a look.

 

"Please. He's head-over-heels for you. Anyone can see it..."

 

Harry pouted.

 

"Hey, Adrian!" Niall called across the room to a boy playing poole.

 

"Yeah, man?" Adrian called back, lifting his jaw in acknowledgement.

 

"What you reckon about the guy that comes to see our Haz?" Niall asked.

 

Adrian smirked.

 

"Whipped," he observed astutely but Harry wasn't appeased.

 

"Nigel," Niall called to another friend who stepped into the room.

 

"Niall," the guy greeted back.

 

"That guy who comes by for Harry," he said and it amazed Harry that Niall didn't even need to use words to ask questions or get the right answers.

 

Nigel grinned.

 

"Good-looking lad," he nodded. "Nice one, Harry," he added.

 

Harry sighed and pushed his cheek back into Boobear's fur.

 

"Who got you that?" Niall asked lightly.

 

Harry rolled his eyes.

 

Niall paused, biting his lip.

 

"Look, I don't know why you're scared, Haz but Louis is the kind of guy to be cool about this, you know. If you just let him," he added pointedly.

 

Harry made a face.

 

"'S not like I can just tell him is it?"

 

"He probably knows," Niall mused of Harry's virgin status.

 

"Not all of it," Harry sighed.

 

"Then tell him," Niall said as if it were that easy.

 

Harry nodded. Maybe it was.

 

//

 

 

He was cross-legged on Louis' bed, working his fingers nervously together in their twined posed. He was chuffing out air, avoiding Louis' gaze while he stared at his thighs. Or his feet. Or anywhere but at him.

 

He felt Louis' hand curl into his hair, fingers first, felt him cup his neck sweetly, shuffling to be knee-to-knee with him.

 

"Is this big confession time?" He wondered teasingly. "Because I've got to say, you might not like me as much after this..."

 

Harry darted his eyes up.

 

"I'm Team Jacob I'm afraid," he shrugged with a wince on his lips and Harry almost mustered a smile. Almost.

 

He pulled his hands apart, remembering the shapes he needed to explain his thoughts.

 

 _This is harder than I thought_.

 

"Hey, it's okay, love." Louis soothed, leaning forward on his crossed legs to press a kiss to Harry's forehead. "I'm not going anywhere."

 

_The reason I didn't kiss you...that I didn't do anything...it's hard to say._

"Why did you think you couldn't kiss?" Louis asked softly.

 

Harry was grateful for the prompt.

 

 _Because I never have. So I didn't know that I could. With you...something happened it just-_ Harry paused.

_It just happened._

 

Louis nodded.

 

"Amazing little kisser you are, too..."

 

Harry smiled then, blushing.

 

 _You kind of helped with that_.

 

"Nah, all you, beautiful," Louis kept the tone light, teasing.

 

He wanted to wrap Harry in his arms and never let go truth be told. But he held back, otherwise Harry wouldn't be able to sign.

 

_I'm scared._

"Why?" Louis asked, taking both of Harry's hands and kissing them sweetly. Harry had to break them free again to reply.

 

_I've been hurt._

Louis' intake of breath brought Harry's gaze up and his eyes were filled with fear and pain. Louis quickly relocated from sitting cross-legged to climbing into Harry's lap, straddling his hips as the other lad stretched his legs out and accommodated Louis' new position in his lap. He sighed, keeping his hands between them as Louis sat back from hugging him around the neck, resting his ass on Harry's thighs.

 

"Who hurt you?" Louis asked.

 

 _Someone who shouldn't have._ Harry managed. _Someone from the family who thought it was okay to touch boys and-_

Louis grasped his hands again, stilling his words.

 

"They didn't-"

 

Harry nodded.

 

Louis blinked, bile rising in his throat. He grabbed Harry close again, rocking him side to side.

 

"I'll never...god, Harry, I promise I would never hurt you," Louis breathed.

 

Harry burrowed out of his tight hold to form new words with his hands

 

_I know._

 

Louis sighed.

 

"I'm glad."

 

_But we're boyfriends now and you want to go all the way and I want to go all the way and I want you to be my Daddy and-_

Louis had captured his fingers again, kissing each tip tenderly.

 

"I love you," Louis said and Harry's lips parted and his eyes widened and tears sprang at the edges, blurring his vision.

 

 _But I love you!_ Harry gestured frantically, breathing rapid with panic. _I was going to say it first, I wanted to be first!_

"Shh," Louis hushed him, even though he hadn't uttered a word for the past ten minutes. "It's okay, it doesn't matter who said it first..."

 

_It matters to me._

"You sat in my field and stole my heart, Harry Styles..." Louis mused.

 

Harry stared at him for long, meaningful moments, pressing sweet kisses to Louis' mouth when his mind had worked over his thoughts. Louis cupped his face and kept him close, his chest aching with every press of his lips, with every slide their mouths made and every flick of their tongues.

 

"So beautiful," Louis whispered as he kissed down Harry's neck, across his collarbones and soon Harry was plaint enough to stretch out, letting Louis kiss him all over.

 

_Louis...Lou..._

Louis kissed Harry on the mouth, just once, tenderly with love in his eyes.

 

"Yes, beautiful?"

 

_Make love to me..._

Louis made a quizzical face, flicking his eyes to Harry's green ones.

 

"Are you sure, Haz?"

 

Harry nodded and Louis hesitated, lip captured by his teeth. Harry reached up and released it, leaning up to kiss him and Louis didn't need convincing, really, he knew Harry wanted this, was ready for it. He wouldn't have considered it otherwise.

 

Making love to Harry was-

 

Louis didn't have words, really.

 

They laid on their sides, just like they did when they were spooning and Louis could be so incredibly gentle and sweet with Harry this way, could thrust shallowly or go a little deeper if Harry's stuttered breath or groan-out-loud signalled he should do so. Harry's body was a delicious heaven of soft milky skin and dark painted ink and Louis found kissing his shoulders lovingly to be a beneficial reward. Harry loved it, would curl in moaning pleasure. Then he'd rock his hips back and take Louis deeper; a sensation Louis lost himself in as he gently stroked Harry's hair back, kissing his jaw.

 

"Always my beautiful boy, huh?" Louis husked in his ear; rocking his hips harder, pushing him deeper within Harry's accepting body.

 

Harry came against the bed, slow and pulsing; ruined and sated. Louis came soon after; his intention to withdraw from Harry's body before he filled him but Harry had pushed back with determination to have his fill. Louis was half-crushed under his weight still connected as Harry gasped for breath.

 

_It's...it's..._

 

Louis kissed behind his ear lovingly.

 

"Is it too much?" He murmured, fidgeting.

 

Harry pressed back, keeping him there.

 

 _No. It's perfect. You're perfect. Thank you_.

 

Louis slipped his arms around Harry's waist and stroked his torso, keeping close.

 

"No, thank you," Louis hummed. "For letting me be your first."

 

Harry let Louis ease out, shivered at the trickle of liquid within him and let Louis help him dress into shorts and a tee which Louis did too before spooning him once more. Harry twined their fingers at his ribs and held Louis tight. He wasn't letting him go anytime soon. Maybe ever.

 

//

 

Louis bathed Harry the next morning, made him breakfast and pushed him back towards bed even though Harry was bright-eyed and more than ready to face the world.

 

"I want to hold your hand and show you off," Harry pouted as he rolled onto the bed under duress from Louis' bossy nature.

 

Louis made a face.

 

"Most guys would think I was terribly insensitive for dragging you into town after our first time together," Louis huffed.

 

Harry beamed up at him.

 

"Please?"

 

Louis rolled his eyes.

 

"What could you possibly want from town anyway?" Louis asked knowingly with an arch of his brow. Harry didn't even like going into town.

 

"Rings," Harry said and-

 

Well Louis snapped his mouth shut.

 

"Rings?" He repeated, soft and awed.

 

Harry nodded, climbing off the bed to wrap his arms around Louis' waist.

 

"Rings," he affirmed, kissing Louis on the mouth- albeit unreturned since Louis was still stunned.

 

"Oh," Louis sucked in air with a frown.

 

"Can we?" Harry asked excitedly.

 

Louis narrowed his gaze.

 

"I'm yours Harry, you know that right?"

 

Harry nodded happily, dimples obscenely present this morning.

 

"So a ring is just a thing that symbolises that..."

 

Harry bit his lip.

 

"And tells the world that, too," Louis guessed astutely.

 

Harry blushed a little.

 

"Nobody else ever had a chance," Louis murmured as he thumbed Harry's cheek.

 

Harry tilted his head and grinned shyly.

 

"Always you, beautiful, okay?"

 

Harry nodded leaning down to kiss Louis again, for long, soft moments.

 

 _I love you,_ he signed as he pulled away.

 

Louis felt his own irrepressible grin split his lips and his eyes crinkled into crescents with happiness.

 

"I love you too," he assured, taking Harry's hand to lead the way.


End file.
